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TV’s Best, Yet Unwatchable Channel!

Today I speak to you about the greatest channel on  New Zealand tele – Discovery Turbo – you can search it on Google, but unfortunately when one clicks on the link you’ll find the page  doesn’t exist. Which is prophetic really, because Sky clearly do not want customers to view the channel – which is for petrol heads, wanna be petrol heads and Muscle car enthusiasts.

Apart from the broken search link (which may be a temporary aberration) when you do actually find the channel you will discover a host of tasty programmes all about cars. American muscle car shows, Overhaulin, Fast & Loud, West Coast Customs,  the quirky British car do-up programme Wheeler Dealers, the vintage show Chasing Classic Cars and What’s in the Barn are all just fantastic, albeit they are the ONLY 6 programmes on Discovery Turbo!

Yes that’s right – these same shows repeat 24/7 on what seems like a continuous rotate. But that’s still OK, because there are new episodes of each.

It’s what’s between the programmes that makes this great channel virtually unwatchable. The same programme promo trailers – perhaps there are four or five per break are repeated in every single programme break. It’s like Ground Hog Day for promos. A never ending schedule of the very same trailers, going around and around and around.

Try watching for an hour and these bloody things will drive you to switch off.

Whomever is programming this channel should be taken out into the back paddock and shot through the skull. You are ruining what is the greatest escape on television in my opinion. Surely to God someone can produce up a few new stings to break up the monotony.  Help,  someone at Sky read this and take note!

 

What’s the Difference Between a Dodderer and a Dickhead

Case 1: Dom Harvey, breakfast co-host on The Edge takes a crotch shot of Dancing with the Stars competitor Crystal Chenery and puts it on Instagram  with the line – “Crystal just showing Art what he missed out on”- a reference to Art Green of The Batchelor TV series, who selected another woman as his love partner.

Chenery, naturally enough goes postal on it. Harvey tweets his apology along the lines that it was just a joke blah, blah and Chenery calls him out as a disgusting little nat. Harvey is a serial moron with a brain the size of a pea. His claim to fame is to laugh at his wife, Jay Jay Fenney’s jokes. He is not witty, he is not wise.  He is just a dirty dickhead.

Case 2. Another broadcaster, the BBC’s voice of golf Peter Allis was forced to apologise for a sexist gaffe  he made during the British Open after remarks  about tournament’s winner Zach Johnson’s wife.

As the camera honed in on Johnson and wife Kim Barclay, Alliss ventured his thoughts on what the $2.4m winner’s cheque may be spent on.

“She is probably thinking – ‘if this goes in I get a new kitchen’,” he said.

Peter Allis is 84 years old. That’s 16 years until he is 100. It’s a miracle he can still see, speak and find the bathroom on his own. He’s a dodderer. Do we forgive him any less?

Which one of these two gents is worse? Or is there any difference at all?

 

 

 

New Experiments in Brain Dead TV

There is no point in commenting any further on TV3’s 7pm disaster zone called Come Dine With Me –  the half hour of horror speaks for itself.

What we must look forward to is what comes next – the replacement for Campbell Live – is, we are told no where near appointing a host despite the revelation of secret talks being held with TVOne’s Heather Du Plessis Allan. The brick with eyes Duncan Garner, already in the Mediaworks stable is one name doing the rounds as co-anchor. Here are some others:

Sir John Kirwan – thoughtful nice guy

Colin Craig – creepy former unsuccessful politican

Robbie Deans – what is that guy doing these days

John Banks – lots of TV experience

 

 

 

Some Digital Fast Facts

700 million Snapchats shared per day

By 2015 majority of workforce will be in their 20s

7.7 million people are on linkedin across NZ and Aust

6 billion hours of content are watched on You Tube each month

Courtesy Aamplify

Life Gets The Better of Mork

Life has gotten the better of Robin Williams.

For people not familiar with depression or its friend drug addiction it will be a wonder how such a funny man can have such an unhappy life.

Seemingly to have it all, it turns out that Robin Williams felt he had nothing but hopelessness. His default, alcohol and drugs, he obviously used as his lifeboat.

Depression is most often silent, unknown to only its sufferers and it is cruel.

RIP

www.depression.org.nz

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Example Super Sensational Customer Service – Ticketmaster US

So I’ve “lost” my four tickets to the Rolling Stones – that is I can’t find them anywhere on my Ticketmaster account. Cost me more than a grand so pretty keen to recover them from cyberspace. Sent an email to Ticketmaster (US) asking for help – read the response below from a dude called Rick:

 

Salutations Ron,

Thank you so much for taking the time to reach out to Ticketmaster U.S, and we would be more than happy to take a look into your request. We’re trying to find your order and we need some quick info from you in order to find it. As soon as we have it all, we’ll get right back to you:

Name on the account:

Credit Card Number (last 4 digits of card only please!):

Facility:

Date of Event:

City and State of Event:

Order Number:

I love our fans so if you need anything else, we’re always here for you – just reply to this email or visit Ticketmaster.com. Believe us when we say, that it truly does bum us out whenever we are unable to immediately assist our fans with there issues and pressing concerns. So please be sure to get back to us as soon as you can, so we may do everything in our power to assist you. Take care, and we can not wait to hear back from you.

Sincerely your friend at Ticketmaster,

Rick

Ticketmaster Fan Support

World Class Service – Every Customer, Every Day!

Content – The Marketing Cliche

It’s worrisome that the word content is being used by marketers as a grab-all descriptor for everything that populates a website or social media feed.

Content is most definitely not ubiquitous and indeed its an almost insulting term to those who craft the words and pictures, whether they are journalists, writers, bloggers or producers.

When we talk about content it undermines the work, experience and intelligence of those who produce it. Content is not something that comes in a box with a bow on the top. It’s not something you can buy at the dairy.

 

 

 

 

 

Slingshot – Cake and Eating It Too

Slingshot, NZ’s 3rd largest ISP, is pissed off  that TV networks have pulled an ad promoting its’ Global Mode service, which allows Kiwis to get Netflix for “free” (for “free” read become a Slingshot broadband customer first)

Slingshot’s  boss Taryn Hamilton complains TVNZ, Mediaworks and Sky needed to “wake up and smell the internet” after the channels decided pull the TVC for Global Mode.

Hamilton ranted “This is anti-competitive, undue censorship, and an example of old-school thinking,”

TVNZ countered “It’s simple really. It doesn’t make any business sense to promote a competitor’s service that encourages viewers to watch international programmes that we hold the exclusive rights to in NZ”.

And TV3 said  it had been advised Slingshot’s latest development to Global Mode may lead to a breach of copyright, and advertising that presented it as legitimate and legal was misleading, and may also be a breach of the Fair Trading Act.

Slingshot has always positioned itself as the little ISP that can – throughout its history standing up for the little guy – so its strategy of releasing Netflix services without paying for it, is right on the consistency button. Of course the company conveniently overlooks that it is essentially pinching someone else’s content rights.

But, hey that’s OK isn’t it?

Mr Hamilton is correct that Kiwis have been illegally downloading content willie nilly (if you know where to go that is) forever, so nothing new in being able to package up the practice and use it to encourage new customers. Not a lot of strategic thinking behind it really either.

One can’t help wonder though whether  Global Mode  and the fuss over it, is just an old fashioned marketing stunt, designed to get Slingshot a few cheap headlines and its boss a little more credibility as being a shape shifter in ISP land.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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